I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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