There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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