And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
