Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
