I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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