My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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