It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
A bitchslap is in order.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
