I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
