.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I would fuck him just for his dog
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
