She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
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Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
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At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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