you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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