This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
