Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
