I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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