sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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