apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize