yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
