she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
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It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
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these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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