I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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