I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
