tonight lets celebrate not being married
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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