It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
