hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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