i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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