I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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