i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
