K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
