I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
