it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
