I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
