I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
