We won't sleep together?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
