dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Randomize
