so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
