u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
