Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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