he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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