Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Do vagina's smell?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
