did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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