You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
