my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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