dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
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On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
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You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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