I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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