yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
