im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
