My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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