belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
