The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
