somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
