Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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