Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
