i barfeds in our rink
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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