I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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