i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
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