Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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