Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
