Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
