Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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