i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
