My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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