yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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