I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
