You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
