evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
