i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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