I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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